It's hard to believe that it has been 4 months, and 1 week, since M first came into our home. Like any major change in life it feels like it has been forever but at the same time it feels like it has been no time at all. Lindsay and I keep joking that we are playing a "live action role playing game" (LARP) of parenting and we keep leveling up (yes I know we're nerds). Some of the levels we have reached I never pictured us reaching so soon. I would go into more detail but for privacy sake I can't.
So, here we are, it is Thanksgiving and M got to take part in his first (and hopefully not his last) Thanksgiving with my family. We started the day by waking up at 4:45am, leaving the house at 5:45, and getting to our parade spot at 6:05am. It has been a tradition with my family to attend the parade since 1990. By 8:30am we had a total of 27 friends and family, majority of which (including M) wearing matching family shirts and turkey hats, all sitting curbside talking, laughing, running, playing, and dancing to the music of the DJ that setup down the street. Even though M had to wake up so early he was all smiles and super excited about the parade. I truly loved being able to share this tradition with him. All throughout the parade, and the rest of the day, seeing him playing with my family, (should I say his family? Even if it is temporary.) I was hit with wave after wave of feelings of gratitude, happiness, and sadness all at the same time. Thankful that God has allowed us to be a part of his life, happy at how well he has come to be a part of my large extended family, and sad because deep down I know there is a chance he will move on and not be with us anymore. But worst of all, I am sad to know that, because of his age, if he is to move on he won't really remember us.
All of these mixed emotions got me thinking of a posting I recently saw on an online foster parent support group that we are a part of. The song is "Love Feels Like" by the Christian artist Toby Mac. The main words of the song that really hit home with me are roughly this:
This is harder than I thought it’d be
Takin’ every part of me
So much harder than I thought it’d be
But empty’s never felt so full
This is what love Feels like
Poured out, used up, still givin’,
stretching me out to the end of my limits
This is what real love Feels like
Music video can be found at: http://youtu.be/reWLIs51e2Y
There truly are no words to describe all the different emotions you experience when fostering, but at the heart of it all there is love. I don't know what life will bring. I don't know if M will stay with us for only 2 more months (because that is all the court has guaranteed), if he will stay with us forever, or anywhere in between. However long he is with us I pray that I continue feel, as the song puts it, poured out, used up, still givin’ until I am empty but yet filled with what only true love can give.
If you are a believer I ask that you join me in the prayer that I hold for M, and every child in foster care, I pray that God's will is done. I pray that He touches every heart of the individuals involved with the case (including my own) and that He guides their steps so that every decision made is made based on His divine plan and not the plan/will of man.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11
Finally, from my family to yours, I pray that God will give you peace, comfort, and guidance in whatever roller coaster life throws before you. Happy Thanksgiving!!
No comments:
Post a Comment