Happy Thanksgiving (4 months with M)

It's hard to believe that it has been 4 months, and 1 week, since M first came into our home. Like any major change in life it feels like it has been forever but at the same time it feels like it has been no time at all. Lindsay and I keep joking that we are playing a "live action role playing game" (LARP) of parenting and we keep leveling up (yes I know we're nerds). Some of the levels we have reached I never pictured us reaching so soon. I would go into more detail but for privacy sake I can't. 

So, here we are, it is Thanksgiving and M got to take part in his first (and hopefully not his last) Thanksgiving with my family. We started the day by waking up at 4:45am, leaving the house at 5:45, and getting to our parade spot at 6:05am. It has been a tradition with my family to attend the parade since 1990. By 8:30am we had a total of 27 friends and family, majority of which (including M) wearing matching family shirts and turkey hats, all sitting curbside talking, laughing, running, playing, and dancing to the music of the DJ that setup down the street. Even though M had to wake up so early he was all smiles and super excited about the parade. I truly loved being able to share this tradition with him. All throughout the parade, and the rest of the day, seeing him playing with my family, (should I say his family? Even if it is temporary.) I was hit with wave after wave of feelings of gratitude, happiness, and sadness all at the same time. Thankful that God has allowed us to be a part of his life, happy at how well he has come to be a part of my large extended family, and sad because deep down I know there is a chance he will move on and not be with us anymore. But worst of all, I am sad to know that, because of his age, if he is to move on he won't really remember us. 

All of these mixed emotions got me thinking of a posting I recently saw on an online foster parent support group that we are a part of. The song is "Love Feels Like" by the Christian artist Toby Mac. The main words of the song that really hit home with me are roughly this:

This is harder than I thought it’d be 

Takin’ every part of me 

So much harder than I thought it’d be 

But empty’s never felt so full 

This is what love Feels like 

Poured out, used up, still givin’, 

stretching me out to the end of my limits 

This is what real love Feels like 

Music video can be found at: http://youtu.be/reWLIs51e2Y

There truly are no words to describe all the different emotions you experience when fostering, but at the heart of it all there is love. I don't know what life will bring. I don't know if M will stay with us for only 2 more months (because that is all the court has guaranteed), if he will stay with us forever, or anywhere in between. However long he is with us I pray that I continue feel, as the song puts it, poured out, used up, still givin’ until I am empty but yet filled with what only true love can give. 

If you are a believer I ask that you join me in the prayer that I hold for M, and every child in foster care, I pray that God's will is done. I pray that He touches every heart of the individuals involved with the case (including my own) and that He guides their steps so that every decision made is made based on His divine plan and not the plan/will of man.  

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

Finally, from my family to yours, I pray that God will give you peace, comfort, and guidance in whatever roller coaster life throws before you. Happy Thanksgiving!!

First True Long Term placement

Oh wow! I knew I had not updated anything in a while but I didn’t realize that it had been 6 months. Life has been such a whirlwind of activity and emotions that I pretty much could not bring myself to sit down and put it into words… So how about an update now? We were officially licensed in mid-March. The day after our license went through, we had 2 children placed with us (a 2 year old and a 6 week old). The children were with us for about a week until we got a call out of the blue saying, “Thank you for your help, but we will be moving the kids as of tomorrow.” Turns out they had found family. I was sad to see them go, but I am glad they went on to be with family. Since those kids left, I felt like we had moments when we could hear crickets and then other moments where our phone/email was going off like crazy with proposed cases. It seemed like no matter how many cases we said we would take, they all fell through for one reason or another. That was until…

A little over 3 weeks ago we were contacted about doing a respite stay (basically baby sitting) for a 3-year-old little guy (M) while his foster family went out of town. The day after we agreed to take him on for a few days for respite, we learned that the foster home had decided to close their home, meaning all the foster kids had to move, and since we were already lined up to do respite, it was decided that M would go ahead and come our way for the respite stay and we could use the respite time to figure out if we were the right home for him to be in as a long term placement. Part of us wanted to jump at the possibility of having a child placed in our home. However, considering the fact that his case was really new, and the current goal was reunification (returning home), and our desire to adopt we were not sure what would be best. The next day (the day before picking M up for respite), we were contacted by our agency and we were informed that we had been selected on the case of 2 legally free brothers. This meant that there was a 1 in 3 chance that we could be chosen as their forever home. At this news we felt that it was a sign from God that we were meant to wait and not accept M as a long-term placement. The next morning I went and picked up M for his respite stay and almost immediately everything just felt natural and a part of me wanted to say right then and there that, no matter the outcome, I wanted to keep him as a placement. However, that evening we were contacted and informed that we had been selected for yet another case. This time the case was for a single legally free child. So yet again we felt it was God saying “Just wait. I have great things in store for you.” The bad thing about being selected for these 2 cases, on top of having M as a respite case, is that, for various reasons, we had to choose between M or one of these cases and we couldn’t really accept him as a placement on top of one of the cases, assuming we were chosen as “the family” for either one of the cases (this is not always the case but wouldn’t you know that we would be the ones to fall into the weird “out of the norm” situation lol). However, to make the situation even more difficult, a respite stay can only last for 14 days but the meetings to decide which family was “the family” for these cases were 19 days after he came our way. In the end we ended up petitioning and getting permission for him to stay another week with us so that we could know the outcome of the legally free cases before making a call on M’s. To say that this situation was heart wrenching would pretty much be an understatement. There were several times that I would be sitting on the couch watching him playing and I would start crying as I prayed “Lord, thank you for sending M into our lives. Thank you for all that you have given us and done for us. However, I come to you right now asking and begging for guidance. Lord, I have fallen in love with this little guy and I do not want to have to make him move on to another home. However, I truly do not know what to do. Lord, PLEASE make your plan clear.” After days of praying and dealing with all the “what ifs” I feel God finally did make His plan clear and He did it in a way that was crystal clear. In the end, we were not selected for either one of the legally free cases. Some would think this would be heart breaking to have such a sure thing of adoption slip between our fingers. However, I truly did nothing but celebrate as we informed the agency that we would be more than happy to take M as a long-term placement.

So that brings us to where we are now. Lindsay and I now officially have M placed with us. His foster placement papers were signed today. His case still has a lot of unknowns, and he still has the goal of reunification, so there is still a chance that he will move on. However, I take comfort that the possibility of him moving on is no longer solely in our hands. At this point if he moves on it will be because God chose to lead the individuals involved in his case to make that call. At this point we have no intention of “putting in notice” and making him move yet again. This little guy is with us for the long haul, wherever that haul leads to. I ask that you all join me in continuing to pray that God’s will be done in M’s life as well as every other child in care. I will not lie and say that I do not hope and pray that M stays with us forever. However, I am not going to try and make anything happen that is not His will. Therefore, I will continue to make the choice to place this all in His hands fully so that His will is done. After all that has happened in my life I know that the things he has planned is far greater than anything I could plan myself.

Ready to be Licensed!

We got some exciting news today. Our home study report has been approved! However, there is still some required paperwork. 1: We have to provide updated auto insurance information since the policy just renewed. 2: We have to provide proof that the dogs have updated rabies vaccinations since Wookie’s, our Shih Tzu, expires at the end of the month and Roswell’s, our Jack Russell, expires in June. 3: We need to provide pictures of the house, inside and out. We started taking the required pictures about a month or 2 ago, and then we got distracted by the fruit basket turn over of rooms in the house, as well as the craziness of replacing the AC/heat and having our home study visit.

Anyway, after getting the email I quickly sent in our auto insurance info and Lindsay made an appointment to have the dogs’ shots updated today. We just got done scanning and emailing all that in. Now all that is left are pictures and, I forgot to mention it earlier, one more walkthrough of our house by the agency. We are getting so close to being licensed it is insane. Which means we are even closer to have a child/children in our home. I cannot wait.

Home Study Visit

It’s been a BUSY last few weeks!!! As I said on the previous post, our case was assigned and on 12/18/14 the individual completing our home study contacted us. We were given a few choices as to day/time for the face-to-face visit and chose to have it today (1/19/15). That gave is only 1 month and 1 day to replace the AC/heat, have the fire marshal inspection completed, and to clean, baby proof, and generally prepare our home for the visit. In the end, we got it all done and the day arrived for the visit. She came in and very quickly got down to business. First item of business was personal interviews. Basically, she sat us down individually, with the other in a different room, and asked for clarification on just a few things from the written questionnaire that we completed. After that, it was time to interview us together. That portion consisted of a lot of basic questions primarily on our expectations and what we are/are not willing to do for a child, particularly while in the foster phase. For example, if we were to have a child placed with us that is of a different religious background, how would we handle it? We explained that we would be more than willing, as long as it is a Christian background, to take the child to a church of their denomination as long as we were still able to take them to our church either before or after their services. Once we got done with the interview portion it was time for the walk through. We literally went room to room showing her the contents of every closet, drawer, and cabinet both inside and outside of the home. Once it was done she gave us a little question and answer time and then we were done. As she said bye she told us, “Y’all are going to be great! I have a really good feeling about you two. You’re very realistic and not living in a fairy tale like so many people I see.”

So what’s next…

From my understanding, our contact person is going to go back to the office and work on typing up the home study report. Basically, this is a massive report that addresses every aspect of our lives, individually and as a couple, our home, and all other pertinent information, such as our support system. Once the report is completed, it is sent to a “reader” to be reviewed. Once it passes the reader’s critique, the report and all other necessary information, will be sent to the state to apply for a foster/adopt license. If our timeline ends up about the same as a friend’s who recently went through the process with the same agency, we should be licensed within 4 weeks, which would be roughly the second week of February. Once licensed, the waiting game begins. There really is no telling how long it will take for a child to be placed in our home. However, what I can say is that the friend that I spoke of earlier had children placed in her home 5 weeks after being licensed. Keeping with that trend it would be around the 3^rd week of March. If that is how it works out I feel we would be blessed beyond words, since the 3^rd week of March is spring break for the school district that I work in, and it would allow me the entire week to be at home and help the kid(s) get settled in. However, as in all things in this process, there are many unknown. With that said, we are choosing daily put all things in God’s hand and trust that above all things His Will be done and that we will meet the child He has planned for us.

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Tune in next time for a post on our (still in the works) Foster/Adopt shower that our family is throwing us.